1230am
I dont known if I could do this again, knowing what I know. See her pain, knowing her pain. If I could convince her to leave, knowing it would be years, I think I would. Would it be worse? I dont know. This is the path we are in though, dragged here by my ego and will run rampant. I think I do this so everyone expects failure; that way if I fail no one is disappointed.
10am
Today is better. I feel more in control of myself. My problem yesterday is that I wanted, so badly, for things to work out a certain way. "And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today..." If I had accepted and relinquished my force of will I probably would have felt much better. Progress not perfection.
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