Afterward

8/18 830am
I feel cheated. I want more. I am hurt.
After i got up this morning, but before I left the bedroom I heard her wake up. I went over and hugged her. She asked what's up know something was. She knows me well. I told her I wanted more last night. She smiled and hugged me. She said its probably best because she was "touching some feels." She said that last night, in the middle, when I stopped and started at her. It hurts to be rejected. I dont like to hear stop from her. This is going to get hard. I see what she means by a roller coaster in our past. I imagine it was what I felt like when I tried really hard and then stopped. At least I have plans for the next two days. Today and tomorrow are her days off. I know why she liked to leave a lot.
I kinda want to talk to her about this, but I'm not sure how. I think just apologizing about the rollercoaster and saying I'm getting a small taste will keep it about her. That's what I want to get across. Not that I'm hurting. I just dont want to go back to friends.
930am
And of course she gets up, comes to me, sticks her feet under my legs and puts her head on my shoulder. I told her I think I know how that rollercoaster felt, I'm sorry. Goes to show that immediately exploding into emotions after being hurt is not the way to go. What did I used to say? Acknowledge, feel, move on.
900p
Exhausting day. Wrote out my resignation letters, emailed one and put the other in my bag. Saw my sponsor and talked about four. I help father in law install a toilet. I also worked for a few morning hours. I feel like I got nothing done, but looking back at my day ot went well. I'm avoiding helping Lucy move into the other room. I want to keep her in her. I know it's wrong and I really haven't had the time, so when I do I will. I'm making it a higher priority. I'm going to read some AA while waiting for her to come home.