Codependency

9/16 1145am
I am a codependent isolationist.
I have few friends and even less of a social life.
I need to start over to detach.
This is so hard. I've identified the feeling I get. It's in my stomach, almost like I'm going to throw up, almost like butterflies. When I get it i need to watch myself. When i get it i want to attack. I will get better with practice, and will be able to relax a bit when i get the feeling.
I need to try and connect the feeling to my comfort spot. Move it when I feel it. Man it seems like I haven't felt that good feeling in a while. I cant remember the last time...I dont always remember the good. Hmm, another pin for my self talk. I'm trying to not do the things that identify me as a codependent. Thinking/talking/thinking obsessing over her is bad. Transferring that to someone else is bad too. I need to figure out something else to do. Not just pushing it down, that's the key.
920pm
In his them all tonight. Hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. Lucy text me and said she's spending the night out again, it's easier for school. That means I won't see her tomorrow at all. Not until the next day. Makes me sad. Also makes me jealous and crazy. Makes me scared she found someone to replace me. Makes me feel like blowing this up. I actually thought of drinking. Just for a moment, but it came to mind. If I cant get my way I'm going to scream until I do. Bleh. I prayed and was ok, then got teddy and food in me, and i was better. Now I'm tired and a bit worried. I just need to wait this out. This too shall pass.