Acceptance

9/15 630a
I woke up anxious. I talked myself down and asked what is the worst that happens. I came up with she finds someone to replace me. What happens? I move on...
I just dont want to accept that I can live without her. I *want* her in my life so bad that i dont acknowledge that life beyond lucy is even possible. I'm reading "Codependent No More," and getting a lot out of it. It makes me sad to think of life beyond lucy, but it is possible. In fact, I need to start figuring out what I want to do and doing it. It's been so long that I dont even know what that is. Man, I cant think of the last thing aside from games that I did for just me. I can probably transfer my codependency over to my kids, but that seems unhealthy.
I feel selfish focusing on me. Narcissism is an issue for me and I tend to draw that line closer because of my codependency. I need to find that line.
I think that I dint want to accept that I can live without her because I'm afraid I may start to.